So here’s a rough guide to your average drive round a town (let’s say leamington spa) with two small ‘helpers’:
At every red traffic light – of which there are many – one child will yell ‘stop! STOP!’ Whist the other child will yell (repeatedly) ‘go! GO NOW’.
At every green traffic light Jasper (Beast 1) will let you know that you’re ok to proceed because the LIGHT IS GREEN, MUMMY, OK?
Every time a new song comes on the radio, especially a song that you’d quite like to listen to, Beast 1 will announce that he HATES THIS SONG and will begin to ‘sing’ something completely different while Oscar (Beast 2) shouts ‘YES’ at nothing in particular so you end up with a horrible cacophony which makes you feel like you’ve wandered into a Justin beiber concert and become trapped forever
Every few seconds somebody will say with desperate urgency ‘are we there yet’ ‘I’m hungry’ ‘I need a wee’ or the worst one ‘I need a poo and – OH TOO LATE IT’S ALREADY COMING OUT’
By the time you reach your destination the car is littered with wrappers, food, empty juice cups and broken dreams, and your children look like they’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days
Beast 1 will, every five minutes or so, check carefully for speed cameras and whisper furtively that it’s ‘ok to go faster, mummy, because nobody’s watching’
When you eventually arrive, to find only one very small space that you need to reverse into, Beast 1 likes to assist with parking by fidgeting, whipping his head from side to side to check for other cars and then yelling CAREFUL, CAREFUL! DON’T HIT IT! And then occasionally FIRE! Just to keep everybody on their toes 🚗
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