Having had plenty of time to observe The Beasts over the last few days, I have noticed a few things that children do regularly but would be pretty creepy / socially unacceptable / possibly illegal if an adult did them.
Things such as:
Removing all items of clothing either following, or sometimes even during a meal. When questioned about why, answering that they are ‘getting in the way.’
Eating only a tiny portion of meal in question and lobbing the rest at either the floors, walls, ceiling, or other diners, being sure to make as much mess as humanly possible.
Informing the room that they are off for a poo and then yelling ‘FINISHED’ when assistance is required with wiping.
Picking up fruit in the supermarket and taking a bite before parent sees, then putting fruit back on the shelf after realising that it is the same as the fruit at home and not as compelling as first thought. Only admit taking a bite when parent is called back to the aisle by another ‘helpful’ shopper who busily waves the fruit in parent’s face.
Asking why ‘that lady’ is ‘a bit large’ and ‘why doesn’t she just run around a bit’ In a very loud, clear voice at the exact moment the room is at its quietest.
Peering intently at a disabled person and then asking (again, exceptionally loudly) why ‘they get to sit in a buggy’ when you are being made to walk and that ‘that’s not really fair is it mummy’.
Finding that the toilet water is pink after parent has put a ‘magic circle’ in it and this being the most thrilling thing that’s happened (apparently in entire life) and being unable to talk about anything else for about three hours. Just about forget about the pink water but then go upstairs for another wee and start cycle again.
Spending 15 minutes rolling around the floor screaming as loudly as possible and kicking anything that comes close enough because they’ve been told that eating food out the bin or playing with the cat litter tray are not things parent will allow, and being outraged at the suggestion that they ‘just play with some Lego and eat a banana for the love of god child’ 🍪🐱😁😧💦🍎🍌
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